CZECH REPUBLIC – Prague – Getting Better All The Time!

Václav Havel Airport Prague – As my taxi entered the city, I was stunned by the beauty of Prague which was strange since I had already visited the city 15+ years prior. It seems in the meantime many of the buildings had been restored and it now looked like a shiny new penny. Feeling good and vindicated by my choice to return, I readied myself for a glorious eight days.

I had booked a well-located, luxurious, small hostel in the city center and upon entering, saw that my expectations were exceeded. Then I was informed that I had to leave because I was guilty of the crime of living past the ripe old age of 45! Having traveled the world for over four years, I’d never run into this conundrum.

I’d failed to read the fine print and was very stressed about finding decent accommodations on Friday night at the last minute. However, I remembered my maximum-flexibility travel philosophy.

I even managed to avoid losing my shit by virtue of a super-nice Norwegian with amazing diplomatic skills. The unenviable task of kicking me to the curb fell to Howie and it was touch and go for a bit, but he helped me find a suitable alternative that was just as nice at half the price!

ROADHOUSE HOSTEL – HOWIE FROM NORWAY

So my hats off to Howie at the Roadhouse Hostel for probably the best customer service I have encountered in my 62 years on planet Earth. I was a manager at 21 at a 640 room luxury resort so I know what I’m talking about. The fine print even allowed them to keep my deposit and charge me for the first night.

Not only was I not subjected to this further indignity, but Howie also secured an Uber to facilitate my transfer and take the sting out of my arrival in Prague. Whoever owns the hostel needs to count themselves lucky to have an employee such as this. You have to love those Scandinavians, and I certainly do. In fact, I’ll be visiting Copenhagen later this year, but a return to Norway is inevitable.

Based on my experience, The Roadhouse is clearly a five-star hostel. They have all the bases covered. It’s centrally located, sparkling clean, well equipped, has well-designed dorms, and clearly chooses their staff with great care. When searching for another place to stay we even found another with the 45 year age limit so all was immediately forgiven.

It seems to be a Prague thing although I have seen the age limit stipulation in other cities throughout Europe. The rule seems to be in place to prevent skeevy old bastards from checking in a preying upon young women. I admit that I have encountered some of these unpleasant predatory creatures, but I don’t appreciate being discriminated against. It’s usually indicated quite prominently on their websites, but Hostelworld tends to bury this information and helps add to the confusion. I will certainly make careful scrutiny a part of booking future hostels. In fact, if anything I’ve been protective of my hostelmates by looking after drunk buddies during pub crawls or buying pepper spray for the lassies

If you do choose to make The Roadhouse your home in Prague and you are under 46 years of age, make sure to seek out Howie. He’ll make sure you have a memorable stay. I’d stake my reputation on it. After stepping into my Uber I arrived at the Dream Hostel in short order and found a place that had every bit the five-star accommodations that the Roadhouse provided.

THE DANCING HOUSE – This is the first thing I encountered after my taxi crossed the bridge into central Prague. I fell in love with the structure immediately. It’s also known as Fred & Ginger and was designed by the Croatian-Czech architect Vlado Milunić and Canadian-American architect Frank Gehry.

DREAM HOSTEL – WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE

RECEPTION

MAIN LOUNGE – This is the magic table where friendships are made.

I dumped my luggage in my room and headed out to take advantage of two hours of good weather before sunset. I grabbed my camera and put on my best New York stride.

THIS TRAM MADE FOR A SPECIAL ELEMENT UPON MY RETURN

THERE IS AN OBSERVATION DECK ON TOP OF THE RIGHT SECTION

STAG PARTY STRETCH – This fellow handed me his cell to take a picture of the gang and I just managed to get the phone back to him before their ride took off. Prague is a very popular destination for bachelor parties as well as hen celebrations due to its festive atmosphere and plethora of adult entertainment.

DARLING – This mega strip club located just 150 feet from the hostel features up to 150 women at a time, and is a favorite of the thousands of bachelor parties visiting Prague every year.

BURGERS & BEER BY THE RIVER

ZORBING – Zorbing was introduced to the world by the same country that gave us bungee jumping. In New Zealand, they put you in a cushioned inflated ball and roll you down a hill instead. I think I prefer this option. Less vomiting.

JUST ANOTHER RUN OF THE MILL BEAUTIFUL BUILDING

PERVASIVE PRETTY PANORAMAS

HISTORIC BRIDGES

AND AN  ENDLESS ARRAY OF ARCHITECTURAL EYE-CANDY

STANDING ON THE CHARLES BRIDGE FACING THE TOWN CENTER

Prague is a truly breathtaking city so photogenic that you can barely stop snapping pictures long enough to just take it all in.

Okay, so the image of a person being tortured to death is a bit of a comedown and tends to kill the mood. I often wonder who got the bright idea to wear this execution device as a symbol of their faith, but then again Christianity has always been about guilt about things for which its followers are blameless. All of this original sin stuff and taking responsibility for the alleged Jesus’s murder seems unnecessarily self-demeaning.

If God is so bloody perfect then why did he manufacture such fallible creatures? It just all seems so poorly thought out. Why would you want to worship a perfect entity that creates you and then turns around and blames you for their shoddy workmanship? I wouldn’t expect Christ’s return any time soon since I’m sure the last thing he would want to be reminded of is the event depicted in this bronze which is literally scattered by the billions all over the planet.

Ironically, the Jewish people don’t recognize the divinity of the world’s most famous Jew, but at least they wear a positive symbol around their necks. The Star of David is a symbol of community, as well as the Jewish faith. I guess after centuries upon centuries of suffering they figured that wearing something negative would have been downright masochistic.

Fancy a cruise on the river, there are many boats willing to accommodate you.

How about a bite to eat at a restaurant on the water?

FAR END OF THE CHARLES BRIDGE

U ČERNÉHO ORLA – TRADITIONAL CZECH RESTAURANT AND HOTEL

TRADITIONAL PORK KNUCKLE WITH DIJON MUSTARD – MY FIRST MEAL

HEADING BACK ACROSS THE BRIDGE TO THE CENTER OF PRAGUE

PRAGUE LIKE OTHER GREAT CITIES TAKES ON A SPECIAL ATMOSPHERE AT NIGHT

MORE PEACEFUL AND LESS CROWDED

FREE OF SELFIE-SHOOTERS AT THIS HOUR

ABSINTHERIE – This bar features 100 types of absinthe. Van Gogh would have loved this place.

THE NATIONAL MUSEUM

DREAM HOSTEL – HOME SWEET HOME – Upon reflection, this is an undisputed five-star hostel. The facility is new and spotless, the staff is courteous and accommodating, and the kitchen is convenient and well-equipped. Most importantly, it is a place that is conducive to meeting people and making friends.

CASTLE ON A HILL

PIG ON A SPIT AND SPRING BLOSSOMS

The kid at the railing was fishing for something in the river with a large magnet.

WATER WHEEL, STRANGE STATUE, AND RESTAURANT BALCONY

A MINI FLASH MOB OF THREE

GREAT MOVES

This was a much more compelling performance than is probably offered at the strip clubs in Prague. Sometimes less is more.

JOHN LENNON WALL –  This work in progress is constantly changing so every visit brings new material.

JOHN LENNON PUB

WE ALL LIVE ON A YELLOW SUBMARINE…

STAGED HUMILITY FOR MONEY – One of the nice things about Prague is the fact that nobody gets in your face to solicit financial support. I suspect that it is illegal to do so. Why would these mostly able-bodied fellows want to prostrate themselves in such a demeaning fashion? I guess people reckon that it looks so uncomfortable that they deserve some cash. It must be really hard on the knees. Why not learn the harmonica and play a cheerful tune instead and spare yourself the pain and humiliation of this pathetic exercise.

CAFÉ CULTURE

LOBKOWICZ PALACE CAFE – I walked a couple of miles and climbed the hill especially to sit on the patio and enjoy the same strudel I ordered more than fifteen years ago.

APPLE STRUDEL

VIEW FROM THE TERRACE – The strudel’s still good and so is the view.

To reach the castle one has to go through a security checkpoint with a metal detector thanks to the specter of potential Islamic terror that has cast a pall over the West.

Gothic Cathedral – Of course, we can thank the Catholic Church for endemic child sexual abuse, and for enabling an ever-expanding and bloated world population due to their draconian rules regarding birth control and abortion. The crux of our global problems can be attributed to overpopulation so until some major changes occur they could be seen to be abetting the destruction of our planet. So along with damaging our children they are leaving them a barely habitable planet.

ORCHESTRA IN THE SQUARE

PRELUDE TO A CLOUDBURST

In a few minutes, storm clouds gathered and dumped their payload as a number of us took refuge under the pillared portico on the right. Rain sheeted down, thunder clashed, and hail danced on the cobblestones for ten minutes as I traded friendly banter with the Swedish couple next to me. It was too damn cold so the castle can wait until next year.

HAILSTONE SNOWDRIFT

HEADING BACK AFTER THE STORM

FRANZ KAFKA MUSEUM

David ČERNY – Piss – 2004

FRANZ KAFKA – 1883-1924

KAFKAESQUE

Kafka’s relationship with his father shaped his life to the point of making his writing into a response to the oppression he experienced during his childhood.

THE PRIMAL SCREAM

KAFKA’S ART

KAFKA’S ART

KAFKA’S ART

LETTERS

DIARIES

MALENA – One of Kafka’s failed marriages.

DORA

Willy WESSEL – Four India Ink Drawings and a Watercolor for Kafka’s Metamorphosis – 1924

THE GOD OF SUFFOCATION

THE ENDLESS OFFICE

David ČERNY – Piss – 2004

Selfie shooters were driving me mad as I waited for what seemed to be forever as they engaged in their photo shoots. People would cup their hands, catching the simulated urine as it poured forth from the sculpture. Endless hijinks and antics ensued as I cursed under my breath until I finally captured a photo free of their piss fetish. I was tempted to recommend using it as a drinking fountain but thought better of it. Innumerable drunk people have probably engaged in that perverted indignity.

Better to feed the swans, but you need to be careful since they can get pretty aggressive.

WHAT A PAIR – I appreciated these since I didn’t make it to the modern art museum on this visit.

                                       OLD TOWN SQUARE

THE LEGENDARY ASTRONOMICAL CLOCK

NOT ROCK CAFE – Prague – Leave it to a bunch of suits at corporate to turn an already cheesy poseur of a restaurant chain into a complete abomination and affront to the great history of Rock & Roll music. I think most people would look at the sign above the door and assume that one could come here and listen to some authentic Rock and Roll, but they would be sorely mistaken.

FAT CHANCE – Check out the lineup. Eight out of thirteen nights feature DJ’s, and the remaining days are completely bereft of rock music entirely. Whatever happened to truth in advertising? Talk about a bait and switch. Their restaurants are filled with rock & roll memorabilia and yet no music at all to accompany it.

Some employee here in Prague told me Miami corporate’s justification for the company’s disingenuous behavior. Somehow corporate seems to be promoting the concept that these non-rock, so-called recording artists are supposedly living the “Rock Lifestyle.”

You must be kidding me! Just another bullshit ploy to boost corporate profits, while abandoning the alleged heritage of the place. If there is any justice in the world, touring rock bands will stop by these pop culture black holes, take back their clothing and instruments and lay waste to the property as they did to their hotel rooms back in the sixties, seventies, and eighties.

HEN PARTIES ARE ALSO VERY POPULAR IN PRAGUE – Being a safe place young ladies can get their drunk on without suffering too much harassment. If you’re going to need your bridesmaid to hold your hair while you say goodbye to dinner, you might as well do it on a clean and charming cobblestone street. From the look of this lot, last night might have been just such an evening. Believe me, in this age of equality, it’s not just the guys who are getting vomiting drunk out on the town.

              MEANWHILE BACK AT THE DREAM HOSTEL

                            INDIA – ISRAEL – GERMANY – JAPAN – BRAZIL

This is a rainbow coalition of international flavor that can be found in hostels throughout Europe. The biggest benefit of staying in a hostel is not the savings, but the opportunity to meet travelers from all over the world who are all part of one tribe, people who love travel and adventure. Once checked in, you can trade invaluable travel tips, special destinations, share experiences, and explore the sights together.

Sometimes you even choose to travel to other places in each others company, as evidenced by May and Florian (2nd and 3rd from right) who moved on to Berlin together two days later. Case in point May, Florian, and I had lunch in the delightful cellar restaurant you can see below to celebrate May’s unexpected future adventure.

KRCMA RESTAURANT – Authentic Czech Cuisine with Awesome Ambiance

MAY & FLORIAN RAISE THEIR GLASSES OF CZECH BEER

We are all toasting May’s (pronounced my) fantastic travel mishap. She got the month wrong on the reservation and her Freudian slip gained her another five days of adventure! Expert traveler Florian sprung into action on the computer and with an additional panel of myself and Luzie, she created a new travel plan. It also secured us additional time in her excellent company. Her mistake also laid the foundation for a special birthday celebration in Berlin and Portugal.

Florian and I are major players in the travel game and we have no doubt that May is a seasoned traveler and digital nomad in the making. It was a delight participating in the resolution of her lucky error. Between our skillful counsel and plenty of beer, we managed to stave off a bad case of Jewish guilt over leaving her colleagues short staffed back in Israel.

HOUSE SPECIAL GOULASH

FLORIAN & MAY – It seemed like I’d known these two for years. Then next day Florian, May, and Luzie left the hostel and it just wasn’t the same without them. You meet a lot of special people out on the road.

During lunch, we learned some additional shocking news. Looking somewhere in her early in her twenties, May was actually just days away from her thirtieth birthday and had never tried French champagne! Not willing to tolerate this outrage, Florian and I made arrangements to rectify the situation just after midnight on Monday night in Berlin.

MOËT & CHANDON – MAY GETS DOLLED UP AND PICKS UP AN EXPENSIVE NEW HABIT

HOUSE AT THE BLACK MADONNA – MUSEUM OF CZECH CUBISM – GRAND CAFE ORIENT

GRAND CAFE ORIENT

ASPARAGUS SOUP WITH CREAM – Having already eaten lunch I still couldn’t resist the soup of the day.

CUBIST STAIRCASE – This alone was worth the museum visit.

CUBIST WALLPAPER

                             MUSEUM OF CZECH CUBISM

SOME THINGS YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE HOME

SITTING PRETTY

Otto GUTFREUND – Head – 1919

There wasn’t much to see in the museum, but it was a quality over quantity experience.