PARAGUAY: Asunción – #108

Paraguay got on my bad side from jump street. I carefully gathered some quality twenty dollar bills for their exorbitant $160 visa fee before leaving the states. When I tried to pay, the ratbags insisted that the condition of the bills was not up to scratch. This coming from a country whose sidewalks are post-apocalyptic, not to mention the fact that Paraguay is the largest marijuana grower in South America, and you can’t even smoke it legally.

Factor in that it is essentially hot as the sun and humid as the Amazon, and you have a nexus of variables guaranteed to make your life miserable. That is unless you hide in your air-conditioned room. The only worthwhile points of the visit were checking a country off my list, and that it’s on the way to Iguazú Falls.

SAVING GRACE – My giant room and high-octane AC.

Upon arriving at my hostel, the twenty-year-old Swiss Bitch (male) lazing around the front desk decided it would be a good idea to insult my country and lay a guilt trip on me about its current activities instead of doing his job. Of course, this type of douche usually doesn’t stop when he finds a new target for his inane, pedantic bullshit, but most would avoid heaping crap upon a guest. He proceeded to school me on the ins and outs of Chilean politics where I had recently spent two weeks being tear-gassed and hosed down by water cannons.

One of my New Year’s resolutions is not to engage with complete idiots, and I plan to cut condescending people a wide berth in 2020 as well. I have pretty much run out of f@cks to give these days. Between Trump supporters, know-it-alls, climate change deniers, religious fundamentalists, and extremists of all stripes, I am done.

ASUNCIÓN’S CHARMING STREETS – Thankfully, I still have plenty of stuff to catch up with and just two more days before I head to Iguazú Falls. I won’t be wasting any time sightseeing in Asunción. Perhaps the bus ride to Puerto Iguazú will be scenic. Until then, I’ll avoid the Swiss Guy, his obnoxious rhetoric, and ridiculous haircut. I usually run into his type every year. They seem to forget they are in the bloody hospitality business. Hopefully, I’ve filled my quota for the year!

To complete my visit to Paraguay, I was forced to endure one final indignity at the airport. The passport control officer thought it would be a good idea to fine me $50 for not having my passport stamped on my way back into the country from Argentina. Last I checked, it wasn’t my responsibility to stamp my own passport. I was on a bus the whole way back Iguazú Falls, and I followed their procedures at immigrations upon re-entry into the country. Not my problem. He pulled out a computer and tried to clarify his position, but I just flat out refused to pay given I had already spent $160 dollars for the questionable privilege of staying in their rubbish capital city. I usually avoid conflict of any kind with passport control, but I had grown weary of grifters of all stripes.

Well, that’s Paraguay, and it’s unlikely I’ll return for another dose of it when there are so many pleasant destinations in Central and South America. At least I’ve accumulated 108 countries, and only have five more to go to beat Hillary Clinton so I suppose it wasn’t a complete loss.